Leadership is often portrayed and perceived as a position of privilege, strength, vision, and success. But there are real struggles that lurk in the shadows, carefully tugged away from the limelight that most leaders dare not reveal. If you are a leader or a high achiever, you know what I am talking about.
These hidden battles often inevitably take a toll on the emotional well-being, relationships, and professional effectiveness of the leaders who continuously defer handling them in the long term.
At Leader Upp, we believe in equipping and empowering leaders to navigate these struggles with grace, authenticity and the assurance that struggles are inseparable from high achievements.
So, let’s dive in and explore some of the most common hidden struggles of leadership, enriched with real-world examples, and provide actionable strategies to overcome them.
1. The Loneliness of Leadership
The phrase lonely at the top speaks of a very prevalent reality for those at the top. One of my favorite movie lines is “I feel like I am in the middle of everything but surrounded by nothing.” Leaders are often surrounded by people yet desperately lonely. They feel alone in their inner worlds, unable to share their challenges or vulnerabilities with those they serve. This loneliness can lead to stress, depression, further isolation, decision fatigue, and other mental health issues.
How to Overcome It:
- Build a trusted inner circle (best while you’re not yet a leader) of peers and mentors who can relate with the pains and offer company in the struggles as well as solutions.
- Step out of the leadership role sometimes. Find spaces where you can simply be yourself instead of the leader.
- Make yourself ordinary, relatable and approachable. You don’t need to always assert yourself as a leader or someone in/with authority.
- Seek out intergenerational friendships. If peers won’t be friends for the sake of it, consider much older or younger people. They can provide unique support.
- Foster open communication within your organization and family: Create a welcoming atmosphere for dialogue.
- Invest in professional coaching. We at Leader Upp provide executive coaching and a community where you can just be yourself and not your title, job or office and we are learning how incredibly helpful it is for leaders to be in such spaces where they are just like everyone else.
2. Imposter Syndrome: Feeling Like a Fraud
Many high achievers secretly wrestle with feeling like an imposter— that they are not good enough and undeserving of their success. The internal chatter that “I am not skilled enough, experienced enough, nor qualified enough to justify being at this level” confronts them at every step up.
Imposter syndrome is also more potent in leadership because of the daily encounters with new concepts, problems, unfamiliar situations, difficult people and so on. The internal dialogue in leaders therefore goes like “How do I handle this?” or “Oh damn, I am totally clueless about this thing they think I know”, “I don’t know what I am doing” even as they are somehow doing things and making progress happen.
The bottom line is leaders are secretly feeling unworthy to be where they are and unfit for the responsibilities they are already handling and those that are suddenly thrown at them without notice. They look in their minds and sometimes they have no reference for the situation they must deal with. They know no one who they can consult or confide in. But also, the brain keeps doing the weird thing of telling them someone else would probably do it better than they are.
This impostor syndrome breeds anxiety and reluctance to step into the spotlight in different ways particularly public speaking. And this is why many leaders are terrified of public speaking, of being seen and being heard from as the leader because “I am not really sure of what I am doing”
How to Overcome It:
- Understand what you are dealing with: Impostor feelings exist in every intelligent conscientious person particularly when they rise into better positions with bigger and new responsibilities. If you are constantly confronted with new concepts and ideas, unprecedented problems and situations as is common in leadership, then feeling like an impostor is as natural as needing to use the bathroom.
- Shift your focus: Instead of asking, “Do I have all the answers?” ask, “Am I adaptable enough to find them?” This is important because you are going to face new concepts, people, and things very so often in leadership that your current knowledge, skills and experiences will lag behind those encounters. So, you need to depend more on your capacity to be adaptable, curious, ask questions, get help and catch up rather than having answers at first encounter.
- Embrace vulnerability. Share your feelings, admit when you don’t know something, and ask for help.
- Get coaching. Reach out to us at Leader Upp (levelup@leaderupp.com) for support.
3. The Weight of Expectations
Tightly coupled with an impostor syndrome, is the unrealistic expectation leaders place on themselves and that others place on them. Many leaders often feel they must have all the answers, solve every problem, make the right decisions, never show weakness and to always inspire those around them without dropping a hat. But who is inspiring them? Well, that’s what we are trying to do here. But this “Superhuman Syndrome” exerts impractical expectations and inflicts burnout as the constant pressure to perform leaves leaders drained and lifelessly going through the motions.
How to Overcome It:
- Redefine leadership. It’s a journey of continuous learning, not a demand for perfection. All great leaders are students of leadership, and they learn on the job. A leader is not a prefabricated dispenser of solutions but the organizing force asking the right questions and organizing others to find the answers and implement them. It is navigating an unchartered constantly changing territory without a map. Wrong turns are inevitable. Being lost and feeling lost is a constant experience but what matters is to be lost in the right direction.
- Embrace collaborative leadership by involving your team in problem-solving. Don’t always take the problem away to “think about it.” Learn to say “Let’s think about it. What do you make of this?”
- Delegate tasks effectively to empower others while reducing your workload. Always endeavor to clarify expectations and deliverables, then let them do their work. Leaders should be focus on directing the team to do the right thing, move in the right direction not on every detail of how that right thing will be done. Think about the big picture and sketch it.
- Focus on effectiveness, not efficiency. Remember, you’re leading people, not tasks. Sometimes the superhuman syndrome manifests as an obsession on doing things cheap, fast, with the fewest resources. While this may be efficient, it can hurt effectiveness in the long term. Always think effectiveness. Let the team do it now in 3 months and build the skills so that next time they can do it in 3 weeks.
4. Thriving Publicly While Struggling Privately
Leaders often present a polished image of success while grappling with personal challenges such as family issues or mental health struggles behind closed doors. This creates a feeling of being fake and inauthentic and it eats on leaders gradually. Some develop coping mechanisms and clutches to not dwell on their struggles like overworking, drugs, pills, some types of company and so on. These are all often just the symptoms not the problem.
Real-Life Example: Steve Jobs was known for his visionary leadership but faced significant personal struggles, including strained relationships with his family during his early career.
How to Overcome It:
- Prioritize work-life balance by setting boundaries between professional and personal life.
- Seek professional help when needed: therapy or counseling can provide valuable support.
- Be honest with yourself about what truly matters and align your priorities accordingly.
- Avoid the private life that further weighs you down. You may actually know the thing(s) that are the fundamental triggers the make you to start spiraling down. Open up in a safe environment especially to a professional who can help.
Balancing Authority with Approachability
Leaders often struggle to strike the right balance between being authoritative and approachable. Leaning too far in either direction can erode trust or respect within teams. But if you are a leader and you notice that your respect only comes from your position you are already too far gone in one direction. Ask yourself, if tomorrow my subordinate Miss A became my boss, what respect will she accord me?
How to Overcome It:
- Lead with empathy by actively listening to your team’s concerns.
- Respect those who show up every day to help you achieve your vision.
- Set clear expectations while remaining open to feedback.
- Always occupy both roles or leader and follower, teacher and student.
- Model vulnerability by sharing appropriate personal experiences to build rapport.
Stepping into Your Power as a Leader
Leadership is as much about navigating internal challenges as it is about guiding others. By addressing these hidden struggles—whether it’s imposter syndrome, the pressure to have all the answers, or balancing personal challenges—leaders can unlock their full potential while fostering healthier relationships and organizations. At Leader Upp, we are dedicated to helping leaders thrive by embracing authenticity, building resilience, and leading with purpose. Remember: greatness in leadership begins within.
